Thursday, December 3, 2009

What's Love Got To Do With It?

 

Part 2

By Samuel E. Ward

 

 

Introduction

 

Our next topic in our ongoing series on Current Moral Issues from a Biblical Perspective is the matter of marital unfaithfulness. Why?  Because:

 

According to marital affairs expert Peggy Vaughan in her book, The Monogamy Myth , conservative estimates are that 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an extramarital affair. If even half of the women having affairs (or 20 percent) are married to men not included in the 60 percent having affairs, then at least one partner will have an affair in approximately 80 percent of all marriages.[1]

 

The Bible actually has much to say about marital unfaithfulness and therefore God has not left us clueless as to what His expectations are on the topic.  Our general survey of the scriptural teaching regarding the topic will touch upon these matters:

 

A.  The Command Against Marital Unfaithfulness

B.   The Unreasonableness of Marital Unfaithfulness

C.   The Teaching of Jesus Concerning Marital Unfaithfulness

D.   The Teaching from Certain Epistles Concerning Marital Unfaithfulness

 

The Scriptural Testimony Concerning Marital Unfaithfulness

 

The commission of marital unfaithfulness is not just a sexual act.   It is offering to another what should only belong to your marriage partner.   There are adulteress relationships that do not include sexual acts but may include commitments, attention, words, promises, gifts, etc. that belong only to your spouse.   One test of whether you have committed such a type of marital unfaithfulness is whether you are willing to share the details of your relationship with your spouse and whether they would approve of it if you did.

 

A.  The Command Against Marital Unfaithfulness (Breaking the marriage covenant)

 

Exodus 20:14 (NIV)  14"You shall not commit adultery.

 

B.  The Unreasonableness of Marital Unfaithfulness

 

Proverbs 5:18, 20-23  (NIV) 18 (May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.  .  .  .  20 (Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress?  Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife?  21 (For a man's ways are in full view of the LORD, and he examines all his paths.   22 (The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast.  3 (He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly.

 

1.  Marital unfaithfulness is a trap with unintended consequences.

2.  Marital unfaithfulness is its own form of prison.

3.  Marital unfaithfulness is witnessed and its details scrutinized by God.

4.  Marital unfaithfulness may lead to early death.

 

Proverbs 6:32-35 (NIV)  32 (But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself.   33 (Blows and disgrace are his lot, and his shame will never be wiped away; 34 (for jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge.   35 (He will not accept any compensation; he will refuse the bribe, however great it is.

 

5.  Marital unfaithfulness is disgraceful and shameful.

6.  Marital unfaithfulness arouses violent jealousy.

 

C.   The Teaching of Jesus Concerning Marital Unfaithfulness

 

1.   Marital unfaithfulness begins in the heart and can be committed in a lustful mind as well as a physical body.

 

Matthew 5:27-28  (NIV) 27"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.'  28But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 

 

Matthew 15:16-20  (NIV) 16"Are you still so dull?" Jesus asked them.   17"Don't you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body?  18But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean.' 19For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.   20These are what make a man 'unclean'; but eating with unwashed hands does not make him 'unclean.'"

 

2.  Marital unfaithfulness has a domino effect in making others participants in the breaking of a marriage covenant.

 

Matthew 5:31-32 (NIV) 31"It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.'  32But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

 

3.  Marital unfaithfulness is prohibited.

 

Matthew 19:16-19 (NIV) 16Now a man came up to Jesus and asked, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?"  17"Why do you ask me about what is good?" Jesus replied.  "There is only One who is good.  If you want to enter life, obey the commandments."  18"Which ones?" the man inquired.   Jesus replied, "'Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, 19honor your father and mother,' and 'love your neighbor as yourself.'"

 

4.  Marital unfaithfulness is a forgivable sin.


John 8:3-11 (NIV) 3The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery.  They made her stand before the group 4and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery.   5In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women.  Now what do you say?"  6They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.   But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger.  7When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."  8Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.   9At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there.   10Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"  11"No one, sir," she said.   "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared.  "Go now and leave your life of sin."

 

D.   The Teaching from Certain Epistles Concerning Marital Unfaithfulness

 

1.  Marital unfaithfulness is a violation of the command to "Love your neighbor."

 

Romans 13:9-10 (NIV) 9The commandments, "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder," "Do not steal," "Do not covet," and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself."  10Love does no harm to its neighbor.  Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

 

2.   Marital unfaithfulness is part of a lifestyle condemned by God unless repented of.

 

1 Corinthians 6:9-11 (NIV) 9Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders 10nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.   11And that is what some of you were.  But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

 

3.   Marital unfaithfulness will be judged by God.


Hebrews 13:4 (NIV) 4Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. 

 

Conclusion: 

 

There are at two important things that need to be said about marital unfaithfulness.  One is to remind you of one of the points of Jesus' teaching concerning adultery.  It is forgivable.   Not only that, but when repented of you have a completely restored relationship with Jesus Christ with all the rights and privileges thereof contained.   Your sins are forgiven, your walk with God is restored, your eternal inheritance is intact, and God's love for you is as deep as ever it was.   There's no need to hide from Him anymore.  The church should embrace you, not shun you.

Secondly, because marital faithfulness often begins with a friendship, one must set boundaries concerning how that friendship's affection is to be expressed.  The less physical the better, without prohibiting all appropriate physical contact.  One can usually tell by the feelings that are aroused in the contact whether there are any sexual overtones involved with it.  Flirting and "alone" time with others of the opposite sex should be avoided especially when one senses an attraction by either or both parties.

 

Other Sources:

 

http://www.ecounseling.com/online_counseling/7-adultery

http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/marital-infidelity.htm


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